Ey mang. Let me tell joo, we had a pretty good time last night, mang. The ROCKIES are pretty much a pushover, is what I is thinking. So today I spent, instead of practice, I went all around to do some chopping, like. I went to the Prudential Center in Boston first, and bought some pretty pimp clothes and stuff. Then I went to Tiffany’s, I wanted to get matching necklaces for me and my wife, one that said “Manny” and one that said “Juliana.” I axed them if they had two like that, and the guy laughed at me, mang. I looked in the mirror real fast to make sure I didn’t have extra Orange Julius all over my lips or anything, but I didn’t. I guess the guy was laughing, because he couldn’t believe Manny would be such a stand-up guy for his shorty, and all.
But then I get a call FROM RANDY MOSS! He says, ey mang, what’s up? I tell him to come chopping with me. He says OK and we’re GOING TO HANG OUT! I waits for heem and he finally shows up. I say to heem, looks like we is both going to be in the news for a while, mang. Me for winning the World Series and Moss for getting a perfect season (and maybe the Super Bowl too). So I proposes to him, maybe we needs to start a personal tradition to show everybody our friendship, like.
Randy thinks is a good idea, and everyting. He remembers, he thought it looked cool when ALLEN IVERSON wore just a sleeve on his arm, and it wasn’t attached to his uniform, or anything. I tink it’s a good idea for us to wear matching sleeves too, and if everybody saw it, they’d say ey mang, looks like MANNY and RANDY are friends and chopping buddies!
So we go to Filene’s, mang, and chops the sleeves off from some long sleeve tee shirts. Then we go to pay, like. I figure, even though we just buying the sleeves, they probably gonna charge us pretty close to full price for them. What a bummer, mang. But then Randy Moss sees a sign that says “WE HONOR COMPETITOR’S COUPONS.” He has a plan and says MANNY should pretend like he owns a clothing store, and make a coupon for my own store real fast. So I writes on a napkin from Subway that I had in my pocket (but I’m careful to write it on the back, like, so the logo doesn’t show): “MANNY’S STORE, FREE SLEEVES FOR ALL PRO ATHLETES. ONE PER CUSTOMER, MANG.”
We go to the check-out and the lady axes us why we only have the sleeves. We explain, and sho’nough, she wants to charge us full shirt price for them. So then MANNY presents the coupon, and the lady not accepts it. She says, if joo own a store, why don’t joo just take the sleeves from joor own store? And I says, crap, mang. Joo got me. I go caucus with Randy, and he says, let’s just forget it, mang. So it turns out, we did not get the sleeves at all, and our fans might never know what good friends we are, mang.
Is pretty sad, right? Well, I tink I gonna get over it. By crushing some fastballs from a guy named Ubaldo tonight, mang. Adios.