Ey mang. Like, oops, mang. I was under the impression, like, that we did not make the playoffs this year, right? Well then I get WOKEN UP BY WAKEFIELD, like, he wakes me up, cuz apparently nobody knew where I was and he came to the Ritz, mang.
SO I gets up and is pretty groggy, mang. Here’s how the conversation between me and Wake went, mang:
MANNY: Ey mang, good to see joo! But if joo wants to go drinking with me, we should wait a couple hours, OK mang?
WAKE: No Manny! Why aren’t you at Fenway? The opening game against the Angels is tonight!
MANNY: What is joo talking about, mang?
WAKE: You know? The PLAYOFFS!
MANNY: We didn’t make the playoffs, mang!
WAKE: YES, we did! Tito sent me over since I’m not on the roster!
MANNY: Oh, mang! Is this some sort of joke?
WAKE: No! How is it humanly possible to be on a team that makes the playoffs, and not know about it?
MANNY: Ain’t nobody told me, and I been too busy to watch the news, mang!
WAKE: Busy? How busy could you possibly be? Doing what?
MANNY: Well, joo know how joo guys always have clever things to say when funny things happen? Like when Vick got in trouble, and Lowell kept playing “Who Let the Dogs Out” on the stereo in the clubhouse and singing that it was Vick who did it? Or now that they’re talking about Ricky Williams going to Denver, Ellsbury and Pedroia led a rookie sing-along of Rocky Mountain High?
WAKE: Um, I guess. What does that have to do with anything?
MANNY: Well I never have a clever song to sing, or a joke to tell, mang. So the last couple days, I been hanging out in my room trying to figure out who’s gonna make trouble next, and prepare clever stuff for it.
WAKE: You gotta be kidding me…
MANNY: So check this out, right? WHAT IF we learned that Donte Stallworth had a micropenis, mang? We could call him DONTE SMALLWORTH. Or if one of them hot anchors on NESN gets drunk one night and we all teabag her, we can be all like, ey mang, check out the Boston Tea Party!
WAKE: Manny, that’s terrible…. and why are you focusing on things that aren’t going to happen, anyway? Wait. Focus… you need to get to Fenway so you can play the game!
MANNY: OK, mang! I is going, there’s plenty of time… SLIM BAKEFIELD. That’s what I’d call you if you were stranded on a desert island for a couple weeks with no food, and came back with a tan. I came up with it all by myself, snap!
So I gots to Fenway JUST IN TIME, mang. I see joo guys later, mang, and I gonna set my alarm clock so I no miss any more games. What joo think?