Manny does some INVESTIGATIONS

Ey mang. So ever since I wrote about our crazy weekend out, people having some interesting comments for me, mang. People is all like, listen, Eric Win is pitching like garbage, mang, and it’s all your fault! I is like, listen, mang, I do things to help my teammates adjust to their daily lives. Sometimes it works GOOD, other times not so good. Has Eric Win been super tired because we got him drunk and maybe slipped him some Ecstasy a couple weekends ago? Sure, mang. Did it throw his rhythm off and make him look like a rookie pitcher, blowing a bunch of saves? Joo bet, mang. But was this a BAD THING for MANNY to do? Absolutely not, mang. As a team leader, joo has GOT to try to do things to jumpstart your teammates, right? D’remember when MANNY put pee-pee all over Coco Crisp’s hands and he started hitting well? I can prove it MANG. Of course joo don’t remember though. Joo is all too fickle! See the proof here, mang:

Anyways, I also been thinking about that NBA ref who cheated and did point shaving for the mob and all this other crap, mang. So I starts thinking to myself, Manny, who is in charge of these things? How many mob members are there in charge of professional sports outcomes? Is a hard question to answer, so I PUTS ON MY INVESTIGATIONS HAT (looks like the one Sherlock Holmes has) and FIRES UP MY INTERNET. I ax Google, mang, who is secretly in charge of the world of sports? And I get a WIKIPEDIA page on the ILLUMINATI. They apparently is a secret organization in charge of EVERYTHING, mang: from what goes in the newspaper, to what’s on the menu at Popeye’s, mang. I says to myself, I is pretty diligent, right? So I better not just trust Wikipedia, mang. So I buys a book on the subject and has it hyper-shipped to me via Amazon, OK?

In this book I finds facts galore, especially that the Illuminati worships numbers, like two, and three, and five. Because, two plus three is five. Did joo know that? So anyways, I was thinking to MYSELF, how many players are there in basketball, mang? FIVE. And who is the best basketball player of all time, mang? MICHAEL JORDAN NUMBER 23 (that’s a TWO and then a THREE MANG). And plus LeBron James is also number 23. So because of all these numbers, I think, probably the Illuminati is in charge of the basketball betting, mang!

I putting this on the Internet so if I disappears mysteriously, joo guys know why. The Illuminati must of kidnapped MANNY to prevent their secret from going out the door, OK? I going to do some more digging, possibly with help from KG or something, and I’ll let joo all know what I find. Peace.

P.S. Wily Mo got traded, mang. Thank God, joo know? I is sorry, but he was freaking terrible, mang.


Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “Manny does some INVESTIGATIONS

  1. Eli

    the link didn’t work *tear*

  2. Manny Ramirez

    Ey mang. Joo is right, joo know? Here’s the new link mang:

    I don’t know how to work the Internets so good, I guess.

  3. Dave

    eh mang! I want to know more about what you fires up your internet for! what are manny’s favorite web sites?

  4. Manny Ramirez

    Is a good question, mang. But as joo is about to see, I gots a lot of stuff to write about first. After I writes about the Illuminati, mang, I write about my WEB BROWSING HABITS next, I promise, like.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s