Ey mang. So ever since I wrote about our crazy weekend out, people having some interesting comments for me, mang. People is all like, listen, Eric Win is pitching like garbage, mang, and it’s all your fault! I is like, listen, mang, I do things to help my teammates adjust to their daily lives. Sometimes it works GOOD, other times not so good. Has Eric Win been super tired because we got him drunk and maybe slipped him some Ecstasy a couple weekends ago? Sure, mang. Did it throw his rhythm off and make him look like a rookie pitcher, blowing a bunch of saves? Joo bet, mang. But was this a BAD THING for MANNY to do? Absolutely not, mang. As a team leader, joo has GOT to try to do things to jumpstart your teammates, right? D’remember when MANNY put pee-pee all over Coco Crisp’s hands and he started hitting well? I can prove it MANG. Of course joo don’t remember though. Joo is all too fickle! See the proof here, mang:
Anyways, I also been thinking about that NBA ref who cheated and did point shaving for the mob and all this other crap, mang. So I starts thinking to myself, Manny, who is in charge of these things? How many mob members are there in charge of professional sports outcomes? Is a hard question to answer, so I PUTS ON MY INVESTIGATIONS HAT (looks like the one Sherlock Holmes has) and FIRES UP MY INTERNET. I ax Google, mang, who is secretly in charge of the world of sports? And I get a WIKIPEDIA page on the ILLUMINATI. They apparently is a secret organization in charge of EVERYTHING, mang: from what goes in the newspaper, to what’s on the menu at Popeye’s, mang. I says to myself, I is pretty diligent, right? So I better not just trust Wikipedia, mang. So I buys a book on the subject and has it hyper-shipped to me via Amazon, OK?
In this book I finds facts galore, especially that the Illuminati worships numbers, like two, and three, and five. Because, two plus three is five. Did joo know that? So anyways, I was thinking to MYSELF, how many players are there in basketball, mang? FIVE. And who is the best basketball player of all time, mang? MICHAEL JORDAN NUMBER 23 (that’s a TWO and then a THREE MANG). And plus LeBron James is also number 23. So because of all these numbers, I think, probably the Illuminati is in charge of the basketball betting, mang!
I putting this on the Internet so if I disappears mysteriously, joo guys know why. The Illuminati must of kidnapped MANNY to prevent their secret from going out the door, OK? I going to do some more digging, possibly with help from KG or something, and I’ll let joo all know what I find. Peace.
P.S. Wily Mo got traded, mang. Thank God, joo know? I is sorry, but he was freaking terrible, mang.