Ey mang. Sorry for not updating the blog on time, mang. Joo guys remember when my wife suggested that me and Randy Moss and Kevin Garnett and Eric Win all go out Saturday night? Well we did, and mang, since then, I been not feeling so hot, joo know? As not affected my playing ability so much, I tink, but I feeling like total crap, mang.
Anyways, mang, as joo probably know, on Saturday me and Eric Win was in Seattle, mang. Garnett, he gots no problem getting out there. But I TALKS TO Randy Moss on the phone before the team left for Seattle and here is our conversation:
MANNY: Ey mang.
RANDY: Hi Manny! Listen, about Saturday, I’m not sure I can make it all the way out to the West Coast.
MANNY: No way, mang! We needs you! Joo is gonna be one of the stars in Boston next year.
RANDY: Maybe, but let’s not be presumptuous, OK? I hurt my leg the other day and I haven’t been practicing… it never pays to be overconfident.
MANNY: Perfect, mang! If joo can’t practice, joo can fly out to SEATTLE and go BALLIN with us.
RANDY: Come on, Manny. Coach Belichick asked me to be with the team even if I can’t run around.
MANNY: Like, OMG, mang. Joo gonna listen to him?
RANDY: Yes, Manny. I’m a member of the Patriots now, and I take my job very seriously.
MANNY: No way, mang. I’m coming over! *click*
I goes to his house, mang, and he’s all up in his LIBRARY with the FIREPLACE GOING hanging out in a SMOKING JACKET with GLASSES ON and sitting in a BARCALOUNGER. And plus he’s reading some book, mang. I ax him, what book is that mang? And he says, Manny, it’s a diary of an offensive lineman with Vince Lombardi’s Packers. He wants to get “an appreciation for the toilings of those with less glorious roles on the gridiron” or some junk like that, mang. So naturally I is all just speechless, with my jaw on the floor at this point, mang. I was all like, who are joo, and what have joo done with Randy Moss, mang?
He says, listen Manny, I really gots to stay in town, nothing matters to me more than gaining the trust and respect of my teammates. And I SAYS listen mang, when are we going to be able to get you and me and KG and Eric Win all together ever again? Probably like never, mang, so let’s go, OK? And Randy says no, I can’t. So I decides to appeal to his emotions, OK? Joo guys ever watch that show Arrested Development? Is like my favorite, mang. Anyways, on that show sometimes the main character’s family taunt him by doing a CHICKEN DANCE, see it here, mang:
Every single time it works on the show, so I gets the idea to do this to RANDY MOSS! I do it and I puts two hands on my head for the ears, kick around and go all “clucka, clucka, CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK!” over and over again. I do it for a good long while, mang, and Randy’s face goes from anxious to confused, to bewildered back to anxious then he finally puts his hand out to stop me. He says, if I come to Seattle with you guys, do you promise to do that dance in a game for me?
I was like, hmm, let me tink a second, OF COURSE MANG. So Randy ponders for a little while. He looks over at this picture of Belichick that he has now on his mantle, then looks back at me. I put my hands on my head all chicken-like and he smiles, and then agrees to come along. I was PSYCHED!
Listen mang, I getting a little fatigued here, joo know? A lot of tings went down this weekend. I fill joo guys in on the party itself next post, OK? Later, mang.