Ey mang. Joo guys know that not too long ago we were playing just mediocrely, right? Well then we went to CLEVELANDS and won three out of four, so even though we had a quick flight out, Tito took us all out for dinner beforehand. Is was SUPER SPECIAL time especially cause this was LMONTRO’s first team event back from his coma. But me, him, and Varitek all got to the Applebee’s late, so we all had to sit alone together in a booth. Me, LMontro, and Varitek. Jason looked a little uncomfortable, mang. He no like me, I think.
So after a little uncomfortable silence, we was saying to Jason, joo should let LMontro cut your hair, mang. And the Sox captain just started LAUGHING, mang. LMontro would do a good job, OK? Everybody knows that but Varitek is too much of a woos to get an AWESOME haircut, I guess. So I decides to spices things up a little. I says, Tek, I make joo a bet. We flip a coin. If it lands heads, LMONTRO gets to cut YOUR HEAD of hair, like. But if it lands tails, LMONTRO has to sniff your tails (butt) like a dog. Tek laughs to himself, and says OK Manny, let’s do that, mang. LMontro all looking at me like please, no, mang. But I gots a trick up my sleeve, like always. I got a coin, it is HEADS ON BOTH SIDES! I flips it, and Varitek knows his fate, mang.
There’s no time to cut his hair before the plane takes off, so we agrees to do it at the hotel in Tampa, mang. So I tells EVERYBODY. Papi and Coco tells me that they want to come into Tek’s room and watch, so I says OK, like. So we get into the hotel, and I’m not there for a half hour watching Ninja Warrior til I gets a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door. I is hearing bass and mad tunes outside the door, too. I opens it up, and lo and behold, it’s LMontro, with these boss sunglasses on, a crazy 80’s-style boom box on his shoulder, and a fifth of Jack in his other hand!
LMontro tells me, he’s going to pay Jason a visit now, and me and Papi and Coco can all come watch, BUT. The but is that we gotta all make a song, and bring a bottle of booze with us, so we can mix it all together and do crazy strong shots to celebrate! I is like OK, how are we gonna make a song? Is simple, he says. Each of us makes a couple lines, and we all sings it together. I was like, well fine, what is your lines, mang? He says:
Yo, Jason, you’s such a square
Now I’ve come to cut yo hair!
I was all like, ja ja ja, mang! Is perfect. So we goes around, and collects Coco and Papi and a bunch of booze, and head over to Tek’s room with LMontro’s clippers.
What happens next, mang? I give you a full recount, and pictures, on Tuesday, mang. Joo guys like the suspense, or what? Ja ja ja. Laterz, mangz.