Ey mang. I had a bunch of posts before that hopefully answered everybody’s questions, mang. So now I gots to write about life, reality, and everything in between. I was thinking, mang, something interesting better happen, otherwise I got nothing to write about! But joo know Manny, if nothing gonna happen, I gonna make it happen.
Joo all who watch the games might know that we gots a young rookie from the PawSox up on the team for a while. Is name is Jacoby Ellsbury. When rookies come on to the team, we gotta initiate them properly, joo know? So the other day, me and Lowell and Papi, mang, we have a quick meeting to see what we’re gonna do to this kid.
I been listening to that “jump on it” song all the time on my MP3 player, mang, so it’s all stuck in my head, right? Joo know that song? Is the Sugar Hill Gang, from back in the day. It goes “Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it!” There’s a dance and everything, mang. I not joking around. See it here:
Anyways, I was like, hey guys, let’s make Ellsbury sing the song and do the dance. Papi and Lowell thought it was a great idea. So we KIDNAPS Ellsbury during BP. We lure him over with some Good and Plenty candies, and take him into the clubhouse. We tell him the plan, originally he was all like, NO WAY, mang. But then, we tell him if you say no, there’s a lot worse stuff we can make you do. Like eating dog food out of Papi’s shoes, or getting a gay marriage to Lugo, mang. So finally he was like FINE and we give him the low down.
In my locker, I always keep bright pink parachute pants and a small leather vest for exactly this occasion. So I dress Ellsbury, while Papi gets a boom box and Lowell tells Tito that Ellsbury wants to speak to the team at the pre-game meeting. He puts all the stuff on, he looking all ridiculous, and I put him “backstage”. Everybody comes into the clubhouse and Tito says Ellsbury wants to have a few words. So Lowell was all like HIT IT and Papi hit play. Ellsbury did pretty good, hopping around like a fool, shaking what his momma gave him, and enjoying himself. Everybody liking it, except for VARITEK who was all shaking his head and looking at the ground the whole time. That guy’s a freaking loser, mang. Once Ellsbury was done he took a big bow and pretty much everybody clapped super loud. Don’t ever say Manny didn’t do anything for team morale, mang.
I hope joo liked my story, mang. Being a MAJOR LEAGUE rookie ain’t so easy, eh? See joo later, mang.