MANNY Answers, Part 1!

Ey mang! I got a lot of really good questions, mang. I tink I answer them over a couple of posts, OK? Good subjects and stories to share with all joo.

Ain’t nobody ax me about life in general, mang. Everybody axing me about their favorite players, or whether we gonna win the World Series, tings like that, mang. I answer the ones I feel like. Anyways, no further ado and such:

manny! you’re my favorite red sock. tell me, what do you think when people run on you? you have an awesome arm but it seems like nobody respects it. it’s funky, i dig it.

–Jerry, Southie

Is cool, mang, I get a lot of people running on me. People no think I is an athlete. I good at soccer and basketball, too, everything, mang. I got 36 inch verticals, seriously. But to be honest, I used to suck at throwing, mang, way back in the day. Joo know how I got better? I was up late one night and I saw a commercial for this SUPERPLEX machine that increases your musclea a huge amount. I figure, I work out my arms, mang, my lats, I get chicks AND I throw people out at home. So I bought this SUPERPLEX for a bunch of money and I only used it twice! It was a piece of CRAP. I got frustrated with it real fast, mang. So I threw it out my freakin’ window, OK? But one of the straps got hooked around my arm! I said OH CRAP and I fell out the window into all these bushes and onto the Superplex, mang. Two stories! Was ridiculous. They took me to the hospital for X RAYS! They said Manny, they said, joo need surgery now. They put some plastic ligaments inside Manny’s arm, or something like that. Like I was the 6 Million dollar man or something. Well next thing you know, Manny throwing like gangbusters.

Manny, what is wrong with David Ortiz ? It seems like his new star power has gone to his head and it has changed his attitude as well as his stats ! He is always snapping on the umpire and almost never smiles anymore. I love the guy, dont get me wrong, but I just wish he would forget the slippers and tv adds and just hit the ball !

–Chris, Everett

Oh mang, I don’t know how to answer this. Papi got some private issues going on, joo know? Not EVERYTHING you guys see is based on ball playing.

OK, I tell joo. Is kind of funny, actually. Me and Papi and Lowell was all taking BP one day at the park. Except Papi not taking many swings, mang. Mostly he sitting there, eating these potato chips, right? He says he ADDICTED to this new kind of chip. I says I gotta have some. I try them, they was TERRIBLE, like if you stuffed a pigeon inside a car muffler, soaked it in the Charles River for an hour then baked all day at 300 degrees. Anyways, Papi is downing these things like there’s no tomorrow, and me and Mike just looking at him like he crazy. Once he finished with all these chips, he steps in the batter’s box and takes some swings. He no look so good, mang. Then me and Mike, we smell this rank smell, like. And you look at the seat of Papi’s pants, mang… this pretty gross… there’s a huge brown stain, mang. Papi looks all embarrassed, mang, and he excuses himself. I talk to him later in the shower, he talked to the trainers, and these new chips have this “Olestra” stuff that make you crap your pants! Was gross, and now Papi embarrassed and angry and stressed all the time, mang. Even during games. But he not stopping with the chips! I feel sorry for his family, mang. I just hope he don’t mess himself when he’s up at bat on TV, joo know what I saying?

OK, that it for now. I no can answer more questions now, mang. I gotta go eat a hot dog or something, I really hungry. Later, mang.

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