Ey mang. Is Manny blog, mang. Joo may be axing, why is Manny got a blog? I tell joo, mang. I fired up my Internet when I was selling my boy’s grill on eBay a while back, and I saw that my buddy Curt Schillings has a blog and it really popular! So I write a comment on a couple his posts, mang, and I tell joo, I making conversation. People digging it, mang! BUT THEN, I log on and all of a sudden, Curt not taking my comments no more. I fill out the form, but nothing gets through. I guess, mang, Curt’s blog is Curt’s and ain’t nobody can steal the show. But is OK, mang, because I need to get my thoughts all straight so I can think OK, you know what I’m saying? Got to praise the Lord above and share with joo.
This blog ain’t gonna be about all these freaking matchups and things like that, mang. Schillings write all about, “I gonna throw inside, a fastball, now a curveball, now this, now that, I’m boring, blah blah blah.” Let me tell you, we is at the ballpark for like 6 freaking hours each day! (AT LEAST!) The last thing I wanna do is go write about it. But news people always axing me about things in my private life, and I always scared to answer, joo know? I always afraid they going to trick me, and twist my words, and next thing you know Manny playing baseball in jail, mang. So I never talk to them, no way! Here on my BLOG, I can say things exactly like I want to and ain’t nobody can take away my First Amendment rights.
So with no further ado, I going to start now. Guess what happened this morning, mang. Give up? OK. Manny Jr. and Manny Jr. knew me and Juliana (the smokin’ hot Mrs. Manny Ramirez for joo all who don’t know) had a rough day yesterday, and plus I’m going to Oakland real soon, mang. So they made us breakfast in bed! Was sweet, mang, but it tasted TERRIBLE! They forgot to cook the bacon. Come on chicos, that’s like step number one! And they know I love the Orange Julius, so they made a fake Orange Julius for me, mang. I thought it was real at first because they dug an old Orange Julius cup out of the trash, but it turns out they just mixed orange juice (with pulp, mang!) along with milk. I spat it out and little Manny Jr. started crying, mang. I felt bad so I bought him a new dog.
I gonna be tired in Oakland, mang! Maybe I still can write.